When my
eighteen-month old daughter, Annelise, sees her snack coming, she lets out a
protest, even though she knows she's just about to get it. Why? Because of the Baby Union. Sometimes she hurls her spoon on the floor
while sitting in her high chair, then howls because she doesn't have it. I try to
explain about the laws of gravity but she isn't listening. Why not?
The Baby Union!
The Baby
Union demands that all babies, everywhere, stand – or crawl – united.
1. Never let Mom or Dad get smug about how well
things are going. Keep them off-guard
and slightly disoriented. Sleep deprivation is especially effective.
2. Protest a minimum of twelve times a day. If there is nothing to object to, make
something up. They'll never know the difference.
3. Always insist on the genuine over the
fraudulent (toy TV remote controls and toy telephones are unacceptable. Hold out for the real thing).
4. Never miss an opportunity to grab or swipe at
something when they are carrying you around. The thermostat control is a good example. It
takes them hours to figure out what's wrong, and causes a lot of excitement in the meantime.
The other
day, my normally cheerful toddler blew a fuse for no discernible reason. But you know what? It didn't throw me. I figured she must have gotten a thirty-day
notice from the Baby Union to shape up – or lose her membership.
So next
time your toddler does something that surprises you, takes you off guard, or
trips you up, just remember that she is a conscientious, hardworking member of
the biggest, most powerful organization in the world. The Baby Union!
Note: This post was originally published on The Huffington Post
Note: This post was originally published on The Huffington Post
